The Beautiful Letdown

I always feel a little let down when something I have been looking forward to for a long time is over. I had an awesome Picnic Day, but now I'm sad that it's over. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with life at the moment, with my letdown, trying to figure out specifically why I want a friendship to end, and trying to map out the next three years of my college career. I'm also trying hard to be happy. I am happy, but it's a hard state to maintain. You have to do a lot of things right in order to be happy. I am really loving being with Ben, but I'm scared as fuck that I'm going to fuck this up too. I love college, but I'm afraid of going home for three months and what it will do to my relationships of all sorts. I'm scared of my future, no matter how certain I am of what I want to do. It's all very scary, so I have to try to not take it all in at once. I'm trying to do as many things right as possible, and I don't know how well I'm succeeding.